You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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