I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Who died my cat blue again?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
