So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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