I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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