My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
