Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Randomize
