Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
