i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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