Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
