Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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