I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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