so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
