I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
