uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
