we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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