they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Randomize
