yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I believe in your delicious
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
