i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
