Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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