Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
