I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
my poor anus
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
