my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
