I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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