ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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