who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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