I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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