bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
