Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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