im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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