k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
