Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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