And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
