I skipped work to stalk him.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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