I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
