Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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