i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I have fence marks all over my body
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
