Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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