i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
