I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
