omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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