i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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