if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
we should paint friendship bongs
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
