there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
