i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
