ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
