According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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