A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
This can only be settled by a dance off.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
