Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
