So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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