woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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